Douches are so annoying….

Don’t you hate it when you’re having fun with your friends and then all of a sudden a cocky jerk comes over with all his cocky friends and just takes over your spot? They’ll be talking super loud and stuff? It’s pretty lame…especially when they move in on your women.

Yup – I saw a hot chick today. But she was talking to this total douche named Patrick. He spends his time cussing and working out. He also enjoys wrestling with his friends in the locker room and playing rugby. He’s a douche and likes the feeling of a man’s body pressed against him.

He moved in on this girl and before she knew it she was under his spell. I was so disappointed….poor Solitary John.He really thought she was a nice girl. Too bad….It seems like all the women are being taken away by douches….it’s not right.

I believe we should start the anti douche movement. Who is with me!!!???

DISNEY HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!!

DISNEY HAS DECIDED TO MAKE A REMAKE OF THE BEATLES 1968 FILM “YELLOW SUBMARINE”.

Yes, Disney is planning on having director of the famous “Back to the Future” movies, Robert Zemeckis, direct a remake of  “Yellow Submarine”. Paul McCartney has agreed to this and will oversee it so I’ve heard.  But they are going to remake all of the songs. AND DISNEY DOESN’T PRODUCE QUALITY MUSIC!!!! The Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana have proven that…..

So, I’m pretty worried about this. I’m pretty against this actually. They shouldn’t touch the classics. AT ALL. I’m pretty disappointed in Sir Paul for this. I love The Beatles. This is an outrage……especially because they’re also thinking of turning it into a stage musical.

They say the film will be ready in 2012. It would be earlier , but they don’t want to interfere with the 2012 London Summer Olympics. Hopefully they’ll change their minds and not release this film. If only John and George were here…. I have a feeling things wouldn’t have gotten this bad if they were still around……

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Why….? Why are they ruining everything….?

So…I’d just like to make a statement about our blog…

I’ve noticed that we seem to be getting most of our views from stupid people searching “sue montecito”…..

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So checkout the other stuff!!!!!! Read the story of LMS or something dammit!

 

PS: Another shoutout to www.condron.us – GET US MORE VIEWS DAMNIT!

Two Suns In The Sunset

An adaptation of a song title into a depressing short story(Please Don’t Sue Me Song Writer!!!!). Let’s call the main character….Paul? idk…..

The lights were dim in Paul’s apartment. He was watching the news on his average sized television. The reporter was talking about the same story that had everyone’s attention for the past month. The U.S., China, Russia, France, England, Pakistan, India, North Korea, and Israel were all furious with each other. They were ready to break out into open warfare. WWIII was inevitable. The world was in a terrifying state. Many resources had run out. The forests were gone. The mines were empty. All the oil had been used. Purified water was hard to find. Things were falling apart as the countries argued over the scarce leftovers they could find.

Paul watched the chaos from his tiny one bedroom apartment. He had remembered an old man dressed in black telling him of the holocaust to come. No one thought things like this would happen in their lifetime. But it had to happen sometime. Paul shrugged it off. After all, many had “predicted” events such as this before. All were wrong.

As he watched. He thought of what “the end” would be like. He thought of his family and friends, the girl he was dating, the bills he had to pay, and other things that were a part of his life. Were they really important?

The hour was late, and he decided to stop watching the depressing story and go to bed. His head was crazy with thought, but he soon felt the wonderful bliss of unconsciousness. As he awoke for work the next day, reality came back to him. He had a wonderful dream. In the dream, he had a wonderful house and a beautiful woman by his side. They stood on the front porch. In front of the house, there was nothing but lush flowers, trees, and other beautiful looking plants as far as the eye could see. It was the early morning in the dream, and there was a beautiful dew that covered all the plants. It made them shine brightly. As he proceeded to walk into the field of wonder, he was abruptly interrupted by his alarm.

He got dressed and went to work. As he drove to work, he began thinking about all the things that had gone wrong in the world that lead to this great conflict. He thought of racism, political conflicts, greed, hunger, and war. He thought of why people do the horrible things they do. As he pulled up to his workplace. He quickly shut these thoughts out of his head. He went into a machine like state as he did his job. Not knowing what the importance of the job was to mankind. Just doing it.

When it was time to clock out, he returned to his normal state of mind. He drove home thinking of the same things he had thought about on the way to work. He had worked overtime and was tired. As he drove on the empty freeway, the sun was setting. When it finally went down, he enjoyed the nice, cool, peaceful feel of the night.

Suddenly, a few minutes later, he saw the sun rise up behind him in his rear view mirror. He was startled and almost ran off the road. He couldn’t believe the sun was coming back up. As he drove and watched the sun with great interest in his rear view mirror, he realized it was getting closer. Then another sun appeared far to his left. Then another one to his right. Suddenly there was suns springing up all around in the distance. Paul was so frightened, he floored the gas pedal and took off. Not knowing where to go. The sun was faster than him though, and it was getting closer. Paul suddenly realized it wasn’t the sun. He realized it was over. The end had come. Everything seemed to slow down around him. His life flashed before his eyes. He thought of how he’d never see his loved ones again.

And then, the most beautiful epiphany suddenly came to him. It was a warm and lovely feeling. He realized he never had to obey society’s rules. That he was his own man. He suddenly embraced death. Death WAS the great equalizer! He realized that race, religion, and everything REALLY didn’t matter! “We were all equal in the end…” he said. With a broken, smile. Tears began rolling down his face, but evaporated almost instantly as the flames engulfed everything. It was FINALLY over….

LIFE

This is a story about a man’s journey through the life cycle. The beginning to the end.

The story begins in a hospital somewhere in California. A mother has just given birth to her first child. The doctor announces “It’s a boy.” as he hands it to the new mother. She embraces the wailing baby and gently touches its nose. After holding the baby for some time, she gives it to the new father. He holds the baby carefully. He was nervous, but excited. He looked at the baby. He felt an amazing feeling of love and the need to protect the newborn as he should.

Years went by, and the baby soon became 10 years old. As he walked out of his little house in a suburb, he thought about where he would go. He decided to go to the little candy shop on the corner. On his way there, he came across an old homeless man. The boy had never seen a homeless man before, and did not know how to react. So he walked past him. But as he passed the homeless man, the man touched his arm. The boy was scared. The homeless man asked if he had any change. The boy replied “My mom and dad told me not to give money to homeless people.” A tear fell out of the poor, broken man’s eye. He looked up at the sky. And said to himself, “Is this right? Is this how the world should be? Are we not supposed to help people in need?” The boy said he had to go and left with a heavy feeling in his heart. He thought “Why would my parents tell me not to help a poor man…?”

A few more years went by and the boy was 17. He had a girlfriend and a cheap car. He no longer saw adults as the super heroes they appeared to be when he was younger. One day, his girlfriend asked him if they would ever get married. He was not ready for that commitment. He lied to her and told her yes. And then they made love. He felt like an adult. He thought he knew it all. Then graduation day came. His parents had a proud look on their faces as he was called up to receive his diploma. A few days later he left for college. He had broken up with his girlfriend before leaving as he thought he would meet better girls in college.

Four more years passed and he was 22 and considered himself a man. He was ready to start his career, he had a new girlfriend he had met in college, and things seemed great. They moved into a house together and soon after, they got engaged. The wedding was a happy event. The new bride and groom posed for pictures and smiled. They said their vows, danced, and kissed. The man’s father proudly smiled and his mother cried tears of joy.The man was very happy with his life.

A few years after the ceremony,the man had also become a parent. He too felt the love his parents had for him. He  was still working at his same job. He sat in his office and typed away at his computer as he always did Monday through Friday. He hated it. His wife would stay at home and clean, take care of the baby, and prepare dinner. She hated it. This is how they spent their days. They would both be tired by the time they got home. They would ask each other how their day was as they ate. Barely paying attention to each other. When they would make love, there was something missing. It was not like it had used to be. At night, the man would look at his wife as she slept, wondering what had happened. He began to see all her faults.  He couldn’t find the spark that was once there. Day after day, their love withered away. Soon they didn’t talk at all. They would simply do their daily tasks and go to bed. They would argue over insignificant things as well. Divorce was inevitable.

They soon had their divorce. The man was now 40. The child would visit him on weekends and stay with his mother the rest of the time.  The man bought himself a nice car to compensate. He would go through other failed relationships until he was 60.

His son was married by now and off on his own. The man had remarried another woman he had met on an online dating site. She was his soul mate. He lived happily with her until age 75. She died of heart failure. His parents had died a few years back as well. He was alone. The man was sad, but accepted it. He too knew he was not long for this world. He had a tumor growing in his right lung. He lied in bed alone every night. He would get an occasional visit from his son who now had a child of his own. He would put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy old grandpa while they visited. But after they left. He would sit down in his chair by the fireplace and cry.

More years went by. He was now 85. He now lived in a hospital. He had few days to live. He was hooked up to life support machines all day. His son and his family were the only people that visited. He felt embarrassed. He knew that his son didn’t see him as a superhero anymore. He still cried at night. Silently, so that no one could hear him. Finally he felt the last bits of life slip out of him. He saw a light. He was cold. His life flashed before his eyes. He saw his mother holding him in the maternity ward, the old homeless man, his high school sweetheart, his wedding, his son’s birth, the day he got divorced, his son’s wedding, his 2nd marriage, his grandson’s birth, and his wife’s death. He had realized, that life was meaningless. He realized that in the end, none of the things he had done had mattered. Then the images stopped. He saw nothing. He only heard the faint sound of the flat line signal before he drifted off into oblivion.

FIN……

A Legend Died Today….

R.I.P.

The legendary inventor of one of the first solid body electric guitars, Les Paul, died today at age 94 due to complications from pneumonia. Paul was very important in the music industry. He invented many different effects for the guitar as well such as delay effects, tape delay, and phasing effects. He also created overdubbing and multitrack recording. These were all amazing revolutions in music that many revolutionary players used. The gibson les paul guitar was used by many players such as “The Dark Lord” Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin and Pete Townshend of The Who.

He earned his big break when he played alongside Nat King Cole as a last minute stand in for Oscar Moore in 1938.  He then went on to create one of the first solid body electric guitars in 1939. He called it “The Log.” In 1950, the guitar went on to be mass produced by Gibson. He also had a string of number 1 hits in the 60′s such as “How High the Moon”, “Lover”, “Nola”, and “Vaya Con Dios”.

He has been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, The Inventors Hall of Fame, and The Grammy Hall of Fame. He also earned the Grammy Trustee award for his lifetime achievements. Yes, he was one of the greats…

-Originalblogger…

Song About Alex…..

by originalblogger

 

Oh Alex, who are you trying to fool?

Trying to act tough as you walk around the school.

Chasing little kids to get attention.

Saying you don’t care if you get detention.

You listen to your trance and do your little dance.

Trying to get noticed in your tight black pants.

You say you shop at Nordstroms – I can’t say I’m surprised.

I knew you were gay from that look in your eyes.

Solo:

Why can’t you be yourself? Are you really that lame?

Is your dad the one you think is to blame……..?

*Fade out*

Whisper at the last second: Fuck you alex sun…..(can only be heard at max volume)

Hidden message when played backwards : Alex, you are mass gay and you should just go work at a gay bar giving handjobs in the corner because you’re a douche….and stuff…yeah.

Following Up On My Colleague’s Montecito Post.

Yes it is true. Montecito Fine Arts College and Montecito High School of Art, Science, and Design has permanently closed its doors. And very abruptly. The Dark Lord Edgar Kucklekorn and his mistress Trisha (Who specializes in the ancient art of Dominatrix-fu) have supposedly fled the country with their douchebag nazi youth son, Hunter, leaving approximately 1,200 students without classes. (Employees as well)  The employees haven’t been paid since february. Sadly, some teachers have been terribly affected by this. For instance, the staff’s only homosexual teacher, Mr. David Liu. Mr. Liu has filed for bankruptcy, but we believe that he’ll be fine as long as he continues to live with his mother and his boyfriend, Raphael. They say that sometimes, they invite over their kinky friends, “Chad and Leonardo” (And on special occasions, Mr. Liu’s favorite students: David Sarabia and Alex Sun) to “keep them company.”

Anyways, the other teachers are screwed as well. Mr. Narek Keshishian, has recently brought a baby into this world and is falling on hard times as well. Mrs. Runyen is pregnant, Dr. Chen has two toddlers, and Mr. Troung also has a toddler. The chinese teacher has disappeared.(Whaaaat?) The spanish teacher is in Spain – and she probably doesn’t know that she has lost her job. The ESL teacher and after school director, Rochelle Leather, stated that montecito owes her $10,000. These poor teachers have all been owned. As well as the principal, Suzanna Wann.

The teachers of the school were withholding the students transcripts until they got paid. But the parents had no intention of paying them it seemed. But recently the principal sent out an email stating that the transcripts will be ready soon. So there is still hope for the students will not have to repeat their grade. Mrs. Suzanna also stated that she intends to make a new school with the same faculty and that the school will still be able to keep its WASC accredidation. But will parents really trust this school? After all the money that was lost? IS it really possible to create another school? Suzanna may be dreaming….

Anyways. Hopefully Mr. Ed, his wife, and his spoiled son, will soon be sodomized and “pwned” in many other ways in the near future for the terrible crimes they’ve commited.

For further reading, please check out this poorly edited article:

http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/ci_12992712

Apparently, this paper couldn’t afford a proofreader… (Our editing’s pretty shabby, too)

EDIT:

Now I’ll insert a picture of a Nissan GT-R (SpecV?). Bam. Instant readership.

 

 

Looks like a new-age Initial D Hachi-Roku (AE86)